because...

from you i learned that although people change,
some stay the same..
you taught me loyalty and trust

richie...

because...

from you i learned that people do change..
you taught me to have faith..

thomas...

a choice

"i cried myself to sleep almost every night,
until i sobered up and realized..

that it's nobody's responsibility to make me happy.."

a prayer

"Lord, when I lose hope because my plans have come to nothing, help me to remember that your love is always greater than my disappointments and your plans for my life are always better than my dreams."

word for the day... by chris cornell

DECADENCE

1. the act or process of falling into an inferior condition or state; deterioration; decay:
2. moral degeneration or decay; turpitude.

because i always forget...

To: Juliana Mikaela

"The waiter was cleaning up the plates of salad on our table and replacing them with dishes of the main course when she walked in. I looked twice, just to make sure it was her; after all, it's been twelve years. It was.

There she was, my ex. Just like that, she walks back in to my life and now, suddenly, my brain is flushed by memories of her, and us, and how much I loved her.

Of course, ten years could do so much, and she looked a little different now. She had grown her hair long. Back then, she often talked about how she wanted to grow her hair long, and how beautiful she'll be then. She was right. She looked like a goddess as her long black hair further accentuated her flawless mestiza complexion.

Her face hasn't changed much, her lips were still as red as I remember them, although that's probably helped by the lipstick she now wore. She had very light make-up on, which would give you the impression that she put it on just for the sake of putting it on. She definitely did not need it.

She was wearing a blue dress. A smile appeared on my lips when I remembered how much I enjoyed shopping with her. It might seem odd to guys out there, who find shopping with their girlfriends boring, but I really enjoyed shopping with her. My favorite part was seeing her in all those dresses, and looking at how great she looked, and then telling myself how lucky I am because she'd be wearing those dresses when we go out on a date.

But she was the only girl I really enjoyed shopping with, I became like all the other guys with the other girls. I was bored to death, and I no longer did that with any other girl.

She was in the company of another girl and a guy, who had permed hair and wore make-up. I guess it's safe to assume that the guy was gay, I mean, the David Bowie look isn't exactly hot right now.

I really didn't care much for either of the two, because my attention was pretty much focused on her. I couldn't help but notice her smile, which was still beautiful but definitely different. It was the smile of a confident woman, only flashes of which I saw back when we were still together, when the smile of a self-conscious but sweet, giggly girl was the smile she wore on her face.

Her eyes were still the same, though. They were big and brown and they'd grow bigger when she gets excited. Her eyes were beautiful, the prettiest I'd seen, and there's just that tinge of melancholy in them, which seemed to tell you that she could burst into tears any moment. She could look at me with those eyes, and I would just melt.

I was the one who walked away. I could barely remember the reason now, but it was probably something that seemed so big and important then during that time, but would seem so silly and trivial now looking back.

The only thing I could remember about that night was that there were no stars in the skies. I don't recall the look on her face then, probably because I never looked, probably because I was too scared to look.

Oh, and it was cold that night. It was very cold. It probably rained, and I probably got wet, but I'm not quite sure.

To tell you the truth, I never really got over her. Up until now, I still keep that locket she gave me then, one that had a picture of her when she was only thirteen years old. She told me she put that particular picture in the locket because she looked so sweet and beautiful when she was younger.

Of course, I thought this was ridiculous, because I thought she was the most beautiful girl to me at that time. And the sweetest, too.

I remember, during my OJT the summer before my senior year in college, I'd make sure that I was alone during coffee breaks. I'd make sure that absolutely no one is around me. Then, when I was sure enough, I'd take out the locket and stare at it dumbly. I'd see that sweet young girl, and I'd get excited because I know I'd see her soon, and then everything else in the world wouldn't matter.

I still keep that locket in a locked drawer in my house. And yes, during rare moments, when I am absolutely sure no one is around me, I'd take out the locket and stare at it dumbly.

I guess that was the reason why I never came back to school after graduation, not even for a visit. There were just too many memories, too many places we went to, too many people we know, too many times when I sat there and held her hand, too many moments when I looked into her eyes and talked about forever.

There was a time soon after when I hated myself for loving her so much. I had a hard time sleeping every night, but pride of course prevented me from asking her back. The thing about it was, nobody knew. Everyone thought I was strong, and each time I went out, I was out there with a smile.

There were too many things to do, too many parties, too much schoolwork, too many girls to keep me busy, and I kept myself busy. I was determined not to think about her anymore, but it was very difficult.

But I did it. After a long time, I just became numb. Sure I wasn't thinking about her every second, but the moment I stopped that, I was sure a part of me died.

Finally, dinner was over and dessert was being served. I gather all my courage to walk over to her table and say 'Hi.'

'Hi. Oh my God, Paulo, Paulo Coronado. I haven't seen you since...'

'Yeah.' We haven't really seen each other since that night I walked away.

'So how have you been? It's been so long...'

We exchanged some more pleasantries. It felt great seeing her , again looking into her eyes after all these years. I would have held her hand, I would have stayed there forever, but I knew I had to go back to my table where my wife and two children were waiting."

today, i've come full circle.. some things never change..

my favorite moment..

i fell in love...

there is no moving on... not from this one.

What do you want?

I want things to be right..
I want to do things right..
I want to choose to do things right..

I want to sleep at the right time
and wake up early feeling refreshed and ready to take on the new day.

I want to read as much as I used to
and to never stop wanting to read my whole life.

I want to eat right
and live right.

I want to be fit, go running again
and lose the extra weight.

I want to spend wisely
and save for the future.

I want to want to work out of the country
and earn so much more :)

I want to stop being always late
and to learn to respect other people's time.

I want to truly value my friends
and to not feel that spending time with them is a social obligation.

I want to not feel lazy when it's time to act on a plan
and to always see it through the end.

I want to be able to start doing things well from the start
and to make sure I do it well up to the end.

I want to stop procrastinating
and to always act promptly.

I want to be organized
and systematic in my things and my attitude towards things.

I want to be successful.
I want to have my own house.
I want to make my family happy.
I want to make Joshua very happy.

I want to change.
I want to be happy.

Longing

"i've always wanted to be free..
to fly away and never return.
to soar up high till the height may never be seen.

but beyond that..

i longed to be owned..
to be held..
and to never be let go".

Point of View

"you'll base your whole life on who you got stuck in a room with?

i'm gonna base this moment on who i'm stuck in this room with..

that's what life is. it's a series of rooms...

and who we get stuck in those rooms with, adds up to what our lives are."

Forever

if you believe in eternity...

then life is irrelevant.

Let Go..

The moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it
Was the moment I touched down

Thank you.. Alanis Morisette

Ray of Light

until one morning, i'll wake up and find i'm thinking about something else
and then i'll know the worst is over..
my heart might be bruised, but it will recover
and become capable of seeing the beauty of life once more.

it happened before, it will happen again, i'm sure.

when someone leaves, it's because someone is about to arrive -- i'll find love again.

The Zahir, Paolo Coelho

I asked...

"Was it me?"

"No... it was never you. I made the choice but it was too late.. If I could have just that one moment back.. I would have never let you go..."

you made me smile.. thanks..

Solitude